Suddenly I feel that fanaticism might sometimes be just a matter of sensitivity... According to my very old post, fanaticism is marked by not being reasonable.. As one of its manifestation, it might show favor in things with almost 'pure emotion', without going the right logical constructs or deductions, and hence sometimes it simply sends the notion of blind imitation.

Sensitivity.. yes, it has been a question that lingers in my mind for months! Perhaps someone might become a fanatic, not because he/she wants to, but because he/she is just limited! Limited in being tight and critical with assumptions, etc. Hence, seen in this light, talent certainly counts!

But we're not supposed to judge by talents! Should we? In the church for example, every preacher certainly differ in their ability, and hence, sensitivity. And what if this corresponds to the sensitivity of being faithful to the Bible lets say? Should this then imply that we just let the most sensitive preacher preach and everyone should come to him whenever possible? Despite the pure motivation which the not-so-talented others might also have? 

Just watched this movie a couple of days ago.. despite the weird storyline some people might say, I think the movie is meaningful.. and it did invoke me some thoughts..

Sometimes I just feel.. that we humans are longing for the same things. We long for happiness. We long for something good to be unchanged. We cried in pain. We're all the same, and i'm not excluded. And that's why I liked love songs.. It reminds me of this. It reminds me that we are humans who indeed long for the same things.

And that's exactly why it is sad... Sad because we're longing for the same things, and yet many couldn't find the real happiness. It's sad to witness that longing, which often manifests itself to one of the most beautiful form or expression. The more beautiful the expression is, I think, the more sad it is. 

Yes.. this feeling is indeed everywhere.. it's beautiful, but it's sad.

I dunno, maybe I can't express it, perhaps just listen to some songs and maybe you'll get the idea:

My Immortal:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=YxQrPXPSVhQ

How Could This Happen to Me: http://youtube.com/watch?v=oC4Rh3HAG1Y

yeah.. can't you see that they're actually trying to say the same thing?..

Sometimes I just feel.. perhaps life is not that ideal. It's not as idealistic as it is, just accept it! Now i'm 21 years old. And I can't rewind back the time. There are so many beautiful things that I can think of, indeed, if I can really 'design' it! I've missed so many chances.. I don't have the opportunity to went back to my childhood days..

When I was a child, I don't have the chance to enjoy many things.. To run in an open field like that in the Terabithia movie.. to have a childhood best friend that would race along.. to build up a treehouse.. oh well.. life's not that fantastic like those in the movies or animes.. Those animes are just beautiful.. Like the typical anime/drama storyline where a boy have a childhood bestfriend who is a girl, makes a promise and they carry it till they became grown ups.. Just how many would experience those in reality?

Perhaps reality is a cold reality of projects, assignments, exams, constant threats, and all those where survival-of-the fittest principles fits in. You have to work hard! Now I really missed my carefree childhood days... sadly 21 years was too quick..

But reality is not so actually.. There's another 'higher' reality still.. Perhaps very few noticed, and it's about God, who was the Creator, who forms the whole reality. And if You believe it, its really dreamlike.. And what you long for, what is fantastic and beautiful, is created by Him. That's the reality! Believe it or not! And the Terabithia was real afterall.. (If this sounds like 'believe if you want to go to Terabithia' kind of thing, it is not so. It is not a make-belief, because this is what is real.. And many people still don't get it.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=k6T1fj9nzXU

I wish I could go back to the past.. Many things have vanished.. Friends vanished.. And yet the craving is still there.. It says that i'm not hallucinating.. But where is everyone??? (Now I missed my past, and years later I would miss today).. How beautiful life is indeed.