I have burning philosophical question. Can you prove that something can be proven? (without proving it first, and thus the proof is indeed the proof of proof itself). Or can you prove that something can't be proven? If yes why? and if no, why not?

Let's take the Goldbach conjecture for example, the famous unsolved problem of number theory. Firstly, I assume there are two kinds of statements/facts, provable statements/facts and unprovable statements/facts. Of course you might disagree if you could give yourselves a reason. So suppose the Goldbach conjecture is an unprovable statement/fact. I assume that no one would be able to give it a mathematical proof (for there exists not). It can't be proven why it is true without going to exhaustively try for every prime number, which is infinite in number. The statement is just true. And my question is, can we prove that it is unproven? I mean, there has to be a reason why there exists no proof, is it not?

Can we prove that something can't be proven? Is there any reason why some things can be proven and some things can't? Or is it the case that my view of categorizing statements into 'proven and proven' is false? If it is false, why is it false?

Hmm.. what is 'proof' actually? Mathematical proofs.. I think what they call 'proof' is just 'another way of saying the same things in a different way'. In maths, to prove is like to show that a statement is consistent to a formalism, or in other words, it is like 'oh well, the formalism is saying the same thing as well'.

Searching a proof of something is just similar to finding other ways to say a particular statement, just in a different way. For example, when a child says 'I can jump and touch that ring, and I'll prove it'. He jumps and touches it. Here, proving means to say the same thing in different way too (by way of action). So, if something is unproven, it is similar to saying that there exists no other way to say that particular statement that is to be proven.

....to be continued

I always had this idea that it would be nice to have a 'perfect' system that would offer all kinds of untruth no chance to show off their ugly faces. What do I mean? Well.. one day I was having some gathering with my friends, and we chatted about a coupon system for the hawker center. One of my friends pointed out that it was done so to prevent 'dishonest acts'. If real money is used, the keeper of the stall can always cheat to his boss, and says that a less number was sold, and keep some money to himself. Hence, by customers purchasing coupons before entering the hawker center, it would prevent the stall keeper to cheat, at least it was less likely.. Maybe this is not a very perfect system, but its a similar idea..

Now, what makes me think that it is possible to build such kinds of systems? Consider two persons playing chess against one another. One is already on the upperhand, while the other is close to a checkmate. It is actually possible to help the 'winning' person to win, although we expose the strategy that he would be using to the other person. If it is a one step checkmate, no matter whether the other person knows what step the winning person moves, he can't escape. If it is a two step, it would be like using an if-else statement, but we can still help him to win although the strategy is exposed to the opponent.

Of course this model is not readily extendable to real life situations. In chess, the rules are written out, eg the moves of each chess pieces. In real life, there are rules too, although it is not that clear. You can think of rules by limitations. In chess, the limitation is like: a pawn can't move diagonally unless it is attacking another piece.  Because there are limitations, knowing the limitations of things, we can develop strategies.

Another point that makes me think that it is possible to create a system that favours truth is that because truth is on the upperhand, just like the winning person in the chess game. What I mean by truth could be anything 'good'. It includes honesty, human rights, consistency, etc that actually many people has in their conscience to be right. Now, knowing this, we can actually start to create systems, be it political, social, economic, etc that will eliminate all kinds of injustice, all kinds of corruptions. Since it embraces the conscience of people, it will be accepted. What we need to do is to think of a brilliant strategy. It is fine if the other party knows what our strategy is, just expose it to them. We would win as long as the majority's conscience would agree, and I think truth would always be on the upperhand. What we can do is just.. let's raise our brains against untruth! If you still don't get it, well, for an example, to battle inconsistencies, we can develop concepts such as how to identify inconsistencies. To battle brainwashing, we can for example create concepts on how do we know what is true, how do we know we are not brainwashed, etc... That is just concepts, and sometimes it can actually be implemented in systems such as mentioned above, and it would be great if it can be done.

It's been very long since I mentioned that human motives can be multiple in one of my posts long ago. I've been skeptical about the question 'what is your motive for doing this?' that assumes as if it is a 'yes or no' thing, while I always had the picture of motives being a pie chart cut in proportions.

Proverbs 16:1-2: "To man belongs the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tounge. All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord".

Reading this, I was thinking.. is that model true? I mean, how can something be 'weighed' unless there are two of those things. If motives are viewed in terms of proportion, then it is likely to be weighed.

Moreover, now I get the idea that we can be blinded in terms of the proportions. What we think our main motive is (the larger proportion), might be wrong, it might be something else that becomes the major driving motivation.

So what shall we do? If we can't even examine our own hearts' motivation, that we always found ourselves innocent..

Proverbs 16:3-4: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. The Lord works out everything for his own ends - even the wicked for a day of disaster."

I think as long as we strive to 'commit to the Lord', it is fine. God knows our limitations, but we should 'strive as hard as we could to obey', so it must not be an excuse saying 'God will understand' that makes us stop striving.

Mostly, those who ask and strive hard to determine their motivations are those encountering 'branches' in their paths. eg. finding jobs, mates, etc. They struggle hard to determine their own heart's motivations if it is real. Actually, it is a period of uncertainty that makes them wants to examine themselves more. In fact, they are worried. But here says that we must commit to the Lord first. Anyway, what is there to be worried if we commit to the Lord? If we love God, and if God's plan will finally be accomplished, then there would be nothing much to be worried of. And of course, we always tend to be so calculative, where in fact if we seek first the Lord, we'll end up being in the right place.

We carefully make schedules so we can be where we think we should be. Do we seek ministry in life's unplanned schedule changes? Do we turn detours into guided tours of what He wants to do through us? If we're doing God's will, we'll be in the right place. Then, wherever we are, we can point people to Him.  — Dave Branon (Source: http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml)

Proverbs  16:5-9: "The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished. Through love and faithfullness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil. When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him. Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice. In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Whoa! Finally the movie about evolution controversy comes out!! I am certainly going to watch this movie, it will be released Spring 2008:

http://expelledthemovie.com/video.php

Anyone wanna join? =D

I can see mountains of project submissions blocking my path.. I must bear with it...

Diligence is not a measure of how much time you spend working on something, but how much you bear doing something when you feel you don't like it, right?

And I'm going ahead..

I'm happy for those who've finished their fyp. Week 13th sem 2 must be the happiest moment for an NUS student, esp when they have finished presenting and submitting their thesis. And I'll be there enjoying those moments too.. very soon.. ^_^

Fine!! It is enough!!! I have to work hard.. I can't rely on anyone anymore except myself.. I have to work and pray hard.. for the future.. just wait and see

I thought sometimes it is nice to walk a distance when you're stressed. Anyway I really needed some fresh air, so I decided to have a walk from Clementi MRT to my place.

It's a kinda a unique 50 mins adventure.. There are times when I must walk through the very quiet area (after passing the clementi fire station). It is dark, quiet, big trees, and there are moments where my imagination gets really stretched till it freaked me out (Btw I really do have a very powerful imagination unfortunately). Oh well.. on the left was woods area and it was dark. On the pavement there was just me. And suddenly I have this thought, what if I saw something horrible? Some occasions was pretty scary, when I thought I saw this lady wearing a white skirt on the distance, and when it gets close enough it was an old grandma riding a bicycle.. Surely I got adrenaline rush. I became very sensitive to noise.. I thought, what if suddenly I heard some weird noises (just several days before I browsed Youtube and I accidentally opened this link where some guy taped a ghost sound he claimed to hear when he was strolling down at the park at midnight..). I was thinking of many things.. I stared inside the bushes, what if I saw a dead body? And you know the news about the running fugitive...

Anyway walking in the night is really enjoyable if you see it from the other side.. you can reflect, think, listen to songs, or even sing, enjoy a time of solitude. You can feel like 'Christian', the character on the Pilgrim's Progress. There are times where you trust in the Lord.. Oh well when I walked there are shadows of the lamp posts or signposts that makes the sign of the cross when it was cast on the pavement. It was as if God was telling me that He was there with me.. The journey feels like my journey as a Christian. There are times when I was really scared, and I didn't trust the Lord. I walk briskly, I run. I tried to rely on my own strength. But there are times when I trusted Him and walk, though with trembling, through the darkness.

My last night walk was also kinda amazing. I walked from NBC to River Valley during a time of distress. The Lord really understands me, when He arranged everything that suddenly I saw someone waving to me and I learnt that it was Wiwin eating at around Boon Tong Kee! what a coincidence. Oh well this was another separate adventure..

Today finally I could reach home safely.. exhausted. I am not all that stressful anymore, but rather exhausted. I'm thankful that my stress has been suppressed. Hopefully I can be effective again tomorrow. Time to sleep..

My big projects are finishing. This week I really perseveres. Perhaps it is the most miserable week, but it turns out to be the happiest week in the end. Truly, perseverance is a happy programme. I hope I can continue cultivate perseverance in doing 'the right thing', and be truly happy.. ^_^

Today I learnt a lot of things.. The youth fellowship in the church was great.. Ko Tjeli brought the theme 'contentment'.

First, I learnt about contentment. Are you content with your life? I really think I am content. Personally, I find myself seldom to make any complaints. Does this mean that I am content? Or maybe I'm just being phlegmatic and indifferent? Hmm.. I rarely feel any discomfort about anything. I never complain about food. Sometimes I do complain, but it is very rare, perhaps during very stressful times I could complain, but usually it does not last very long. Overall, I find myself easy to be content. Anyway we should be content but unsatisfied. Now isn't that contradictory? I don't know what's exactly is the difference but according to my personal opinion being content means that you don't complain. The complain I meant here is due to personal discomfort, and hence we are being discontent if express our discomfort, that we are not satisfied with something (usually caused by external things), and that we expect that something to be better, and usually the motivation is not for something that has real basis of being good, but rather we just seek for convenience, or maybe as it fits our habits, etc. While being unsatisfied, you can of course still exercise complain, but the motivation is good (eg for the betterment of one's character for example?)

The second thing that I learnt today is taken from Matthew 6:19-24:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God an Money."

The passage does not teach us to refrain from chasing any treasure. It says that we should be conscious of what treasures that we seek to have. It might not be just money. It can be knowledge, career, acceptance, friendships, or even ministry! It does not mean that we don't require any of those. Everyone does! But we should know that those are 'treasures on earth that can be destroyed by moth and rust'.. Hence I think I should spend more time on storing up treasures in heaven. I should reflect more upon God's Word, and live more according to His will. All along it seems that I am enjoying myself being a Christian, but I never really care of storing up 'eternal' treasures. I am simply happy with everything, with the treasures that I have without realizing that they can be destroyed by moth and rust. Oh but I have so little eternal treasures...

Another side of being content is examined if you can renounce things. Not to become a legalistic, but sometimes it is good to test yourselves that you are really independent. It is does not mean that we should be self-sufficient, instead, a Christian should be Christ-sufficient. Hm but this does not mean that we can neglect the fellowship community as well and every Christian be an individualists.

Hm I think it is good that if everytime we learnt something during the youth fellowship or when we go to church, we could note down 1 point, try to apply it in our lives and we assess ourselves the week after. I think I'm going to do this for now. Hopefully it works.. 

Yesterday was a tiring day that I couldn't reflect anymore but sleep. But I've gained more things than as mentioned in the previous post.

Another point mentioned was about motivation. It kind of reinforces my thoughts on what I have about motivation. In every action that we take, it seems that wrong motivations can just sneak in. During sharing sessions in fellowship for example, if we share about great things, it is possible that it is because we want to boast about ourselves. And even if we share our weaknesses, it might also be a means of boasting 'Look, I am honest and I can share my weaknesses'. O how deceitfully wicked is the heart that always centred on self.

Motivation is not just complex and is a mixture of many motivations, but it is, honestly, hard to tell. The usual thing that has been done to test motivations is that we usually create parameters, a measure by numbers. The system is imperfect, and yet we often hold it to be 100% reliable without any flaws. Because it is imperfect, it means that there is a slim chance that some people with real pure motivation can get filtered out, while some others might be in. I think it is fine, anyway don't the Scripture tell us that even there is no clear-cut way to distinguish between the weeds and the wheat? That we should wait until the harvest? Legalism, on the other hand, stay very strict to those numbers. They are not aware of this fact, that their system has a major flaw. As an implication of this, we should not judge others for having the wrong motivations. For we never knew for sure what are people's motivations, as we are always dependent on measurable quantities, parameters before jumping into conclusions. For ourselves, what we can do is, introspect as hard as you can on yourselves, do not judge upon others, especially those who are also on the course of striving to introspect themselves. But of course we can still remind each other to do so.

Yesterday morning I was thinking about a boy-girl-relationship problem. I kind of reflected on myself.. I think I've obtained the complete answer to the classic question 'What is the difference between infatuation and love?' just yesterday. In the past, perhaps we might have infatuations and when circumstances does not turn out like what we want it to be, we are quick to ask the question, hoping to get a particular checklist of what makes it a difference between infatuation and love, and we just want to show that we passes it. Oh well.. if this does not apply to anyone, at least for me it was the case. Then I also thought, combined with the motivation problem mentioned above, even if we say we love someone, we must really question our motivations. Why do we want to pursue someone? Because you liked him/her? Because he/she was handsome/pretty? Because talking with him/her makes you happy? Because.. etc2. So, the conclusion is that you want to pursue someone because he/she fulfills your self-centered needs? (quoting Paul Washer). Honestly, many would do that including me. But how can we be sure that we really are not self-centered, it is again back on how hard we introspect ourselves. And it is such a ridiculous thing to see that some people even boast on having unconditional love when he/she still seeks hard to fulfil all the conditions.

And to answer the question above, what differs infatuation and love? Well I just think that it is not the right question to ask. There has been too many cliches around that when someone's proposal was rejected, the other party blamed it to be infatuation, and when it is mutual, they claimed it to be love. It is such a crooked view. Two persons might as well be with each other and both are immatures (now you might argue with this that i'm separating between mature and immature, and you're asking of the threshold level). I won't argue with this. But what I aim to answer is the question on 'How to test whether it is infatuation or love that drives us to proceed', whether you are really making commitments objectively and not simply drunk by infatuation or emotions. This is hard because of the unclear mix of motivations that we make commitments 'later' after we had been drunk, and you know that being drunk always keeps us away from our clear conscience.

The test, however, is this: Can you be infatuated and relinquish it? Have you ever been infatuated, and in an objective way think that you are not ready, and succeed to relinquish it? If you have done that, it is assured that emotions are not the only thing that makes you proceed, but if you proceed, there must be an objective component that is added in, eg the clear conscience that you are ready, a constant struggle about God's will, etc. Someone might say "Now that's unfair! I never had any infatuations before and I can't test!" Well, but I think we shall know the answer ourselves. Did we always pursue those for whom we had any 'feelings' at that moment? Can we have feelings and relinquish it? I think this makes the difference. And true enough, as Paul Washer said it, what makes someone to proceed, the basis must be God's will and providence. Nothing else would be a firm foundation.

Now this is weird.. Firstly i saw her turning anticlockwise, and I asked myself 'How could it be that she turn clockwise? It is so obviously anticlockwise!'

The next moment I saw her turning clockwise, and now I think 'How could it be that she turns anticlockwise?'. I stared hard enough and I couldn't make her turn anticlockwise again.

What do you see? Try this link:

http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,22492511-5005375,00.html

Now I'm becoming skeptical, was it the picture which is changing or my way of thought that changes.

Alright, here's what I did for today. Woke up at 4, try to read up EE4302 textbook trying to understand the materials since I need it for the lab report that is due on 12.00 noon. I was too sleepy that I slept again at 5, woke up at 7.00, hurried to school, landed on YIH canteen. Did the project till around 10.30, studied with my friends (well actually it is unlike studying, but kinda a refreshment for me after the report thing) till around 1.45 when I have to hurry to conduct tuition.

Several things made me thankful. First, I was able to finish up the project (though not my best perhaps), at least I could finally understood the materials on time and integrate the theory into the report. Secondly, I'm quite happy to gather with my friends after that stressful report. Next, I was quite happy when I learn that my student obtained 14/15 in his maths. Lastly I was thankful that (now this is quite unexpected), I went to the GKY prayer meeting at 7.00pm.

The fellowship was very heartwarming. It was held in YMCA. Not too many people came, just around 30? My pastor was there too, he's gone to Singapore especially to bring the message this very evening. The fellowship somewhat reminds me of my church in Jakarta, the choice of songs, the people (some familiar faces and yet I don't recognize the people, they just looked very familiar). The heartwarming thing is that actually my church in Jakarta, GKY, is forming a fellowship here in Singapore. It is nice to know that so much people who have 'lost in touch' with Christianity in Singapore, perhaps some of them who went to study in Singapore, could be gathered again! Of course most of them would already have a church to go to, but some of them I know have been 'losing touch'. The emcee said something about service. He asked how many of us have ever served before in our lifetime, and he asked if we who haven't served for a while, neglected it perhaps, are missing something. It is such a precise moment. Many workers are needed to establish the branch here in Singapore. I was kinda moved to help them, though I already have my commitments in ISCF and GRII. I wish to help them but have not contacted them. 

I also had a great time after the fellowship. I got to know a lot of people, the youths (well, actually they've already worked, at least 2-3 years older than me). I managed to get along with them quite well, though most of us just met. I met one person, NTU alumni, said he knew Vibo. I was surprised when he said he served in ISCF before. Next, there's this person who said that his brother is going to NUS next semester. I was very happy! In the end, all of us are around 11 people, all are new friends. We eat in Dhoby Ghaut till very late, 11.00pm+, and actually one of us are having her birthday. Yeah, so she treated all of us. Oh yes, the one more unexpected thing is that actually two of my new friends stayed in Toh Guan Rd, Blk 265 (I'm at Blk 267). What a weird coincidence! =s It is just a few metres away from their block lift which I pass everyday.

Anyway, I still dunno, but perhaps God wants to say something and I'm being insensitive.. I have no clue anyway. 

Oh yes, before the fellowship I went to borders and get this book on sales. I wish I could start thinking about my internship (In case you don't know yet I've got an internship, it's a sales position. The bad thing is that I'm posted at JB office. The good thing is that I will gain experience, be more outspoken and perhaps learn about office politics, all thanks to Daisy's CV ). I will also start to develop my view on sales in which I'm totally blank. I hope I could obtain the correct, Christian view on sales jobs.

I hope through this internship I will gain more knowledge about the business world, grow in character, get to know more people, be more mature in my thoughts as well as improve my presentation and public speaking skills. Furthermore, let His glory be shined during this internship, I hope I could be a blessing. Actually I'm really afraid of this job because sales jobs tend to has money as the motivation, and I'm afraid that my values will change somehow. Being outspoken, I also don't want people, my friends, find me odd after this internship. Or maybe people will start to think that I'm not the old me. =s

Oh I just leave everything to God.. and will pray hard.. the road might be rocky, but I could sense that this would be interesting too. Afterall, my life is not too predictable as I posted in some of the previous posts, and I'm so happy to be surprised. Oh this is getting interesting... =D