You Are An INTP

The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with. Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative. At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

This is quite true.. =s  I remembered taking this type of personality tests (with different questions of course) during my recent HR2002 class last semester, and also during my MNO1001 class when I was at year 1, and guess what, I remember that I also get INTP (Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)!!!

The theme for today's fellowship is 'Hurdles in a Family'.

First, it was said that there are two kinds of people when classified based upon whether the thoughts of building a family have ever crossed their minds. The first group would be eager to build a family, because of the social pressure and drives. The second would always delay, and always think that they are still not good/spiritual enough. These two thoughts should actually be balanced. If it is not balanced, on one hand, it would create a weak relationship, the motivation is just based on 'because im already quite late in my age', and this will lead to a destructive relationship. While on the other hand, people who always delay might as well be too comfortable with singleness.

Many people indeed never bothered to prepare about the 'hard stuffs' of marriage / relationships. They often just see it as a 'picnic', just enjoying the fun and the sweetness of it. They often plunge into it just like riding a roller coaster, happily sit in with no seat belts on. Reality about marriage/ relationship is actually not that smooth. There are many things to be sacrificed.

Many just treat relationship / marriage as an end in itself, that 'I've reached my goal to be married / be in a relationship'. While in reality, it is not the end of the road. It is yet a new starting point. Beyond that point, is the end to singleness, and the terrain would change. Many things would be different, from the thinking of 'I', it becomes 'We'. When two are walking together, cared about each other, one may as well be a burden to the other. At situations where we feel that we could actually handle by ourselves, perhaps now we couldn't handle it due to walking with a partner. We might be a burden, or our partner might also be ur burden.

There are 7 things that often said to bring trouble towards relationships:

1) An unequal proportion of love. It is impossible for two different people to have commited to each other with an equal love (as if it can be quantified). But in reality, there are factors that would make it seem unequal. It might be the case that one would feel to be the 'victim' of the relationship, always sacrifices but never get anything in return, while the other party seems insensitive that he/she has all this while been taking things for granted. One solution proposed is open communication and to stop being so caring if you would just pile up 'hatred' as you think that you are being the victim.

2) Difference in the way of education / the concept of education (especially when couples have their own children).

This could bring trouble. The husband as the head of the family is responsible to teach and disciple his family. Education is not just a matter of cognitive knowledge, but more to the way of life, and it arises in conversations and actions. It was said that most troubled couples only have 'superficial' conversations. This shouldn't be the case. Conversations must be essential, meaningful, and should not just 'follow the flow'.

3) Routinity that might affect faithfulness

Routinity might lead a couple towards the lack of respect towards each other, taking each other 'for granted', and this might produce boredom and unsatisfaction. This might lead to unfaithfulness or even adultery. Most aduleries are not 'planned', but it is due to a partner find that his / her partner are boring, and no longer could satisfy him/her. That's why it is very important for families to have enrichment time together, a refreshment of the relationship with God, a time to count on God's blessings and reflect on the past, and introspecting.

4) Couples don't remember that they are not a worldly-proof family, immune towards temptations

Even from the very first family, the snake has spoken 'another voice' to deceive. Couples should remember that they are just sinners, should be aware of their own and their partner's weaknesses.

5) The mid-life crisis

It was so said that after reaching the age of 40, most people would start to rethink about their lives. They started to worry, realising that many of their acquaintances had passed away. They started to be conscious about temporariness, and reflect: 'Am I marrying the right person?', 'Am I going through the correct path?'.. Sometimes, we would find some of our friends are more successful. Pressures would at the same time came, parents, or perhaps friends that teases why are we not that successful. And we started to rethink a lot of questions regarding our life. That's why there is the saying 'Life begins at forty', as during that period many would start to rethink, and many would achieve success.

It was also said about 'symbolic Christianity'. It is not enough for couples just to have the outward signs of Bible study, fellowship, etc. What is important is the essence, whether the Bible studies are useful and nurturing the spiritual growth of the couple, etc.

6) Illness and aging

Most would say that it would be 'future problems', while there are marriages that end up in one partner gets a terrible disease just a few years after the marriage.. and therefore one would just be the burden of the other for the rest of life, and the enjoyment just lasts during the few years that had passed so quickly. Would we then think that we have gone with the wrong person?

Couples also never seldom talked about 'what if God never grants us a child?'. When mothers pressurized, would we then think that we have gone with the wrong person?

7) Change of social status/economy

Whatever planned is subject to change. Family might get bankrupt, both stuck and jobless. Tension arises, couples will blame each other. And this is all because they have a 'racing' mindset of marriage. Again, marriage is not a matter of (personal) win/lose.. which symptom is characterized by blaming each other. But it is a unity.

Finally, a tips was given. It is again that we must differentiate between the two spheres, of family and marriage. Therefore, the couple's mother should not bother about the education of the child, as it is a 'marriage matter'. Nor should our partner take part in determining something in the 'family area'. This is to avoid problems. (I personally don't quite get the idea and still think that there are some inescapable overlaps.. still thinking though..)

The theme was 'Parents and Child'

Proverbs 22:6 : "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Psalm 127:3-4 : "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth."

According to the proverbs above, we are to train our child. It is the parents obligation to train up their child ever since they are still a child. It is written that we are to train up the child in the way he should go, not in the way that we want them to go, but according to their potential and what God wants them to be.

Parents are given the privilege and representative of God in nurturing their children with education. In the psalms above,  it is written that children are indeed heritage from the Lord. A heritage is not achieved by our own works. It is a gift from God, and every gift is accompanied by a demand of responsibility. And we should not take a child for granted, for it is a gift.

The chief end of the child's education is so that through the education, the child can glorify God.

The child is said to be like arrows in the psalms. The direction needs to be decided by the person who shoots it, which is the parent.

Until what age does a child needs to be educated? According to Jews, a person is mature after the age of 30. Therefore Jesus and John the Baptist starts their services when they are 30. The Hebrews categorized 'child' as the age of 0-13.

2 foundations needed for education and direction : faith and the fear of the Lord.

Factors that contributed towards the education of the child as a whole (according to degree of impact) : 1) Family 2) School 3)Society and Church  

Since we can't really control every bad influences that came from external factors (eg school, societies, bad churches), family education is therefore crucial. Whose fault is it when children are led astray by the bad influences?

Everyone has indeed tasted the period of childhood. We are to be aware that we are too persons who have received education, values, through our families and environments. Some habits inculcated to us, etc. And it is to be understood that it is very likely for different families to have different values. In the context of marriage, these differences might surface. Couples need to be united in overcoming these differences in order to educate their child, for it is most likely the case that they have in them differences in terms of, values, minor or major. Some values for examples : family gathering every weekends, birthday celebrations, parent and child relations, etc..

Next, it was discussed upon Genesis 19:1-11 and 30-38.

Lot was successful in the education of his child, as he was able to keep them a virgin in a bad environment. And yet he was unsuccessful in choosing the environment that might bring bad influences towards his children. He compromises about purity when he agreed to sent his daughters to the strangers.

Lastly, education is not just cognitive, but children get educated by examples from parents.

On boredom 

Boredom is due to finiteness. The more finite are the choices / rooms to move for, the more easily it is to get bored. If you have more choices, it will just take longer before you get bored, but eventually you'll reach that stage provided you had enough time to explore everything. Therefore only one thing will never get you bored. God! Who is infinite.. Such simple fact, yet often overlooked.

On love

Love is not much a matter of do and don'ts, but it is much a matter of can or cant's.

On holiness

There's only one thing that can make every man, great or ordinary, kneel down. It is not power, for some wouldn't submit. It is not wealth, for some wouldn't wag their tails. Just one thing. It is when they witnessed holiness.