Zzz.. I just spent 2 and a half hours of doing nothing, just browsing youtube, firstly about the atom smasher at CERN lab that causes much controversies, next about the Nibiru Planet (Planet X), which they claim will bring about armageddon in 2012. Interestingly why are the so many people wanted to write a book if it was just a hoax, and then some other people wrote a book to debunk it. This world is so funny.. Well at first I was quite amazed by the proofs that they gave, some claim that Planet X / Nibiru has been scientifically and historically proven. (FYI the discovery of Neptune and Uranus is also done by scientific calculation). And the next moment my imagination gets really stretched up.. I recalled that there was an archaeological findings about Sodom and Gomorrah (http://www.accuracyingenesis.com/sodom.html). The destruction of the city, archaeologists theorize, was caused by an earthquake that caused pressure on petroleum deposits which then gets thrown up from the ground, ignited and fell back down causing the destruction of the city. My wild imagination thinks what if God may use natural causes to fulfil His prophecy too? Could it be planet X be the 'natural' cause for the end of days prophecy (increase in earthquake, natural disasters)? Of course some of the prophecy is quite irrelevant, and they actually had 'postponed' the arrival of planet X from the initial prediction which is on 2003. Phew.. why should I waste time on this =.=

Anyway life has been well, and fyp is progressing fast too.. This afternoon I reflected about my three years back. I've taken a lot of modules, and when I browsed electrical engineering textbooks in the coop this evening it seems that most already seem familiar to me. Well, at least I got a grasp roughly on what each specialization track would be studying and the topics covered, and what industry would each correspond to. And as the picture gets clearer, it gets bleaker as well.. and boring perhaps.. Yeah it always feel this way when you get familiar. But mostly its because I still don't really know what I wanted to pursue in the future.. But I noticed that after I finish this bachelor, if I should go for further studies, it is better to go deep into one subject. Enough for the breadth.

I've been losing interest in philosophy ever since I learnt that secular philosophy ungrounded on God's Word is really unrealiable, though they might have some hints of truth. Last time I really loved philosophy since I thought it was one of the ways that I can seek the truth, but not anymore. Everything has been made clear by the Scripture. Now I'm even skeptical about my own philosophy class, and I feel quite losing my interest. Now I wanted to pursue mathematics, and physics. At least I can gain some truth about the universe, and I enjoyed finding ways to investigate things in a nearly 'exhaustive' way.

My spirituality has been quite rocky, and its up and down, but I still want to improve everything.

And I hope I could time in a more efficient manner, what about setting sleep time as 7 hours at most? And I hope I can utilise my time carefully..

Have my life been a mess? I dunno, but I feel I have not really lived up my role.. Apart from all these busy-ness and all excuses, I am still not diligent enough and not intelligent enough. And I have not been spiritual enough.. Have not meditated enough.. I feel I'm still childish and so undependable.. and I tend to fluctuate a lot..

And yes.. perhaps I should take a rest now.. There's no use for me to push further for the moment, just now a friend told me that we are optimum creature, not maximum.. its quite true I think, and yes, I need to be optimum, and I need to strike a good balance between everything.

I am happy for today's fellowship, what a heartwarming PU after such a long time.. =)

Reminded about the National Conference message, esp Dr. Tan's sharing. After thinking through, our life is indeed so tiny and insignificant, and we're just one amongst the billions of people living and have lived. Even if we are to perish it might seem to be of negligible impact to the whole, and yet we defend our own lives as if it is the most important thing in the whole world. Even the Almighty God Himself had given up His precious blood for us, and didn't defend Himself and His own life. So why should we?.. And why do we defend it so hard?

And yes.. I'm tired of debating.. and I'm still stuck with this attitude.. Is it wrong? Help!

Some notable insights and quotes:

1) To begin solving the problem of justice, we must first identify the problem of identity. For example, for us to say that it is not right to certain race of human beings as slave, or lower than other kinds, we need to acknowledge and attribute the identity that all human beings are equal. Next, to answer whether child labor is right, we must first answer the question 'What is the identity of a child?' Establishing identity will next provide a clue for assigning the rights, and finally the decision.

2) The beginning of the Book of Genesis not just talks about creation. It talks about order. The problem of justice is the problem of identity, and the book of Genesis describes this identities. It is God-assigned identity and it sets the order of relation between God the Creator, human beings and other creations.

3) "It is unjust to not discriminate when there is a basis for discrimination, and it is equally unjust if we discriminate when there is no basis for discrimination." The question is..how do we know that something is indeed a valid basis for discrimination? It requires wisdom and constant effort of discernment..

First thing that has to be answered, are differences in worship styles a matter of just 'styles', which has equal standings, or is it the case where one style can be more 'holy' than the other? The former is somewhat not convincing, since we can always think of a worship style which any denominations would regard it as not appropriate, eg by those groups regarded as 'cults' to them. Since we already disprove the former, it seems that the only choice is towards the latter. But wait, there's another possibility! Perhaps there's a 'limit', where any styles that passes within that range has equal standings.. Or is the picture still forms an arrow, where going towards a certain direction is more holy, and thus certain styles would still be more appropriate than the others? If we choose the former, then we have to define what that limit is, and of course, we need a basis for that definition. If we choose the latter, then we should be open to learn and improve our worship styles so that it is more and more appropriate.

Just returned from the tiring camp yesterday. Learnt some useful tips though. After i reflect I feel that I'm not an organized person. First of all, what I need to do is to be aware of my identities (family member, Christian undergraduate, friend, boyfriend, etc..), and hence responsibilities. Then I should categorize these responsibilities to 4 categories: 1) Urgent and important 2) Urgent but not important 3) Important but not urgent 4) Not urgent and not important. Personally I'm still confused about this type of categorizing task though.. I think that most of the time I would wait until everything becomes important and urgent and then I will spend my time doing it, otherwise I will do other unimportant things..