We decided to end it all.. It's not who's fault it is. It's not human reason. Part of it is perhaps divine providence, just as how we started. We're friends.

'Truth seeker'. So many people declare themselves as one, even me perhaps last time. But to be an honest it is seemingly impossible. The title is simply too idealistic, and most even don't know what the consequences are.

First of all, many who called themselves 'truth seeker' must have a right understanding about what 'truth' means. People who are simply curious to study as much as they could will call themselves 'truth seekers', while at hindsight they fail to see that truth isn't simply a 'collection of facts'. What if truth incorporates even the motivation, that truth seekers have, must be right. This might involve acknowledging a dichotomy between 'wanting to seek the truth' and 'wanting to be called as truth seekers'. They must seek it with the right motivation. An extension of this point of many people treating truth as merely 'dead facts' is that many people use those dead facts to do something unethical, or in ways in which they fail to see that those things also have something to do with truth, for example (in exaggeration), torturing people whose opinions does not correspond to facts. Thus, the main point is that we should remember that truth does not only contains facts, but ways and motivations. Not only we should speak the truth to the other person, but we should speak it with the true motivation and the right time and situations, and using the right words.

Secondly, people who seeks the truth must be courageous, be brave to see if truth might turn out to be bleak. They must continuously acknowledge their own fallibility, be teachable and ready to conform fully to whatever 'truth' they discovered. Even if they discovered that there is no such thing as truth and what they have been doing so far is just useless and simply wasting time. (Although I personally disagree to such kind of bleak truth and have believed in revealed truth in Christianity)

Thinking about these issues..I really don't think we are qualified enough to call ourselves as truth seekers.. As for me, I know I am not..

Many things have been happening. I coped well with my work, amidst the long working hours and etc but I managed to not complain again and stay hardworking.

Thankful for ISCF and its welcome tea. Looking all the freshmen I reminisces when I was in year 1. Indeed it is very happy to be a freshmen, (and I dunno whether they know they're really happy). Happy for them and hope they enjoyed their study in NUS! This must be the happiest years for them. =p

Rethinking about life. After all these years, climbing the academic stairs has led me to achieving a degree. And once you graduated, applying for a job comes as a thrill. Working in a new workplace too, gives some thrill and enjoyment at start, earning your very first own salary. But after a while, you will realise the stillness of life. You can do literally everything after you graduated, and no more 'compulsory' academic stairs to climb. All there is is just the corporate ladder, which is optional. Suddenly life became so still that it feels meaningless. The salary already seems too much for just a living, and i really dunno what to do with my life, living day to day, helping the company to strive, while earning for a living myself. Surely life is not just to get born-go to school-climb academic stairs-work-have family-old-sick and die. It's not fun, and there is no meaning to live like so. But how to live a meaningful life? Some says that work in itself has inherent meaning, so I should be happy with my work now. I can also relate to friends, etc.. but I still see it a little bit too farfetched. Of course every work has meaning, but it is not wrong to pursue more meaningful life, isn't it? But what is more meaningful?

Hm..I dunno what I shall be doing until I am truly satisfied with my life. But can i just wait for meaningfulness comes by itself? What I need to do now is just to reorder the things, and numbering them according to what is meaningful, and pursues the top first! Will it work that way? Of course I must have a Biblical axiology to prioritise things correctly..

Other says that i should relate the temporariness with eternity to live meaningfully.. hmm... what can I do?

And yeah, perhaps many things I've done wrong in the past, and that I'm afraid that I will be stumbling block for others.. well.. just keep movin and strive better! =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO4uIyz_d90

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8_EfDqF7YI

I think that human differences are inevitable. Well that's an obvious statement, but personally I rarely think that human beings can be 'that' different, as to the level of sometimes it is possible to cross each one's boundary of 'normalness'. It is unthinkable perhaps when we think about terorrists, or murderers, who can commit such a violence and yet still leave no guilty feeling. But in everydayness, we encounter many different kinds of people who might also be 'unthinkable' in some ways or another. I just realised this fact.

In relationships, this kind of differences are also inevitable. Now, differences that are usual (style, preferrence, etc) can't make us into thinking that those are 'unthinkable'. But differences in character to a certain extent can lead to us to ponder why would anyone do such and such a thing. We tried to be honest to ourselves, and yet some things we can't really understand. In friendships too, such things do happen.

How are we going to solve all these differences? We should tolerate them, but I don't know if we should tolerate everything to any extent.. When we think that something is outside our tolerance level, we tend to think that it is wrong and we try to advise or rebuke. And yet another person will think that it is still within the tolerance level, or perhaps those things are really normal. So how to solve this issue?

The problem of differences in couple seems aggravating especially when the differences are in such ways that it is outside the 'rightness' boundary of the other. All the more if each one are confident if their rightness boundary is somewhat more correct. It might also lead to judgment, not in form of punishment but in form of having a certain perception about the other person.. This perhaps are also inevitable in friendships. Even members of the same church may differ in this. Well..it takes on humility to introspect, and see, calibrate each hearts to conform to the what is Biblical perhaps. But really, I realised that it is difficult to cope with this issue.

I had this idea of making this mind map of everything. I wanted to start typing out every sermon's summary which I've collected over the years. I want to make things systematic and started building up. But perhaps I should keep in mind now that I should not pursue just a 'second source' knowledge. I should not learn about God as according to some other person and not have a true relationship with God myself. Well.. just a reminder for myself. 

And from now on I should distinguish much knowledge as being first or second source..