October 4th, 2009

Yeap.. just to record down. Honestly, I still dunno what I'm going to do with this life. Working as a software engineer, i've learnt a lot. But so what? There are too many things to learn in this world, in this lifetime. Questions keep popping up are, why am I here? Why do I have to work in one particular industry? I can't seem to figure out what is the real meaning of all these. Life is not simply to work, to get salary, to get old and die. Why do we want to achieve things? Many problems of significance comes in. But am I being to prideful? Too hungry for meaning? Too discontent about what my portion is? Or is it right to seek further and be discontent about my current position?

Last time I had a dream to open up a company. But why? Or a desire to pursue master's degree, or further education, but why? We should define a purpose too shouldn't we? Or else life would become meaningless. From chit chat with some friends, its good that they have a clear goal in their life, or what they call 'vision'. I don't have one yet. Living day to day, what should I hope for? Well a friend lend me a book that precisely tackles this issue. Read it a few chapters and flipped through the rest. It says that we should try to read our lives, and see our strengths, and try to glorify God with those. Perhaps its just seems to vague for now to me. Strengths? There are no particular strength that clearly outstands everyone. Maybe it doesn't have to outstand everyone, but just what I enjoyed doing and have a pattern of doing well. Hm..but sometimes I find that my strength are not that outstanding to one particular area but quite well distributed and hence i am confused. And even if I identified a set of strengths, then I should figure out a mapping from those set of strengths to an ideal job that people with those strengths will pursue, which seems quite difficult.. hmm...